Fandom Feels + A little stress, well more like a lot…

Hey people!

How’s it going for you guys? Hope it great/good/amazing/awesome/wonderful/fantastic/brilliant!!

Me? I’m blerg.

People of the internet I introduce you to a tired girl (me) who has watched one too many fan made fandom videos that are horribly sad and because I’m tired I maaaaay have shed a few tears….. Shhh, no judging I’m sure you’ve done something like that before…. if not then just shush, this is a no judges zone. Okay so this feels attack was brought to me unfortunately by the BBC and specifically Doctor Who, and even more specifically the Doctor’s relationship with Rose Tyler, I ship those two (any regeneration really) with Rose, they’re just so cute together!

I mean just look at them!

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By the way warning spoilers for multiple, basically all, the new seasons of Doctor Who and my own opinion (almost completely opinion save a fact or two)! Read at your own risk

I mean aren’t they adorable!? I love the other companions, and River too, but Rose and the Doctor will be my OTP for Doctor Who forever. You can’t tell me there wasn’t any chemistry between the Doctor and Rose (I mean the actors really brought it to life and they were amazing! Billie Piper Chris Eccleston and David Tennant!!!!)  It was CANON! And even if you argue there weren’t any declarations of love from both parties, Rose said it, and the Doctor was about to say it too (there can be arguments against that) but when Steven Moffat himself and the rest of the cast say that they’re together than I think it’s undeniable proof.

Don’t get me wrong I think River and the Doctor are cute too, but it seems to me that it was doomed from the start, really, the Doctor knew what was going to happen all along so their relationship would have been built on a promise he hasn’t made yet, on her gradually not knowing him and him not knowing her, the curse of opposite running time lines. Too sad to last and even if he loved River, she was a mystery, daughter of his friends, someone whom intrigued him and made him sad, made him happy but also made him hold back. Also he sorta had to, time lines and such I’m sure their relationship was a fixed point in time, he may have loved her but he was pushed into a relationship with her because of the circumstances, if she didn’t love him she might’ve not saved him in the Library.

The love between the Doctor and Rose on the other hand was sweet, started off as an infatuation, pretty boy with a secret dark past takes her on magical adventures and literally saves her from her boring life. Also the Doctor saw a bright and happy little human who was up for a trip, a pretty human who somehow despite her tough life she continued to smile brightly. Her brightness chased away the darkness that had threatened to consume him, the hatred and anger and pain that still blanketed him and his thoughts.  She made the Doctor dance, she made him smile, she made him open up, and she made him spare a Dalek. And even though she puts him through pain herself, she’s made up for it for being there for him, for intending to be there for him, forever, he’s the reason they couldn’t be together in the end it was his decision. It’s a heartbreaking ending when she gets him but he doesn’t get her, she can spend the rest of her life with him-no. 2 without him-no.2 outliving her by centuries.

Rose and the Doctor in the show are a lot closer than the Doctor is with any other companion, touchy, flirty, close, smiling and happy, or stone faced and serious always holding hands or at each other’s side. Lots of things hold him back with his other companions. With Martha, the pain was too much, too soon, but I can’t judge/blame her for falling in love with the Doctor. Donna, well she stopped anything from the get go (loved her she was hilarious!). Amy and Rory were together so that wasn’t going to happen. River, well they do end up together but as I said before not quite like Rose and the Doctor. And Clara is more of a mystery than anything, the impossible girl or whatever she’s called, she’s a riddle the doctor is trying to solve, although they are still close.

These companions are great for the Doctor, helping him remain good and keep him from giving up, they’re family to the doctor and he loves and cherishes them all.

You can tell he still carries the memory of Rose with him along with every new companion. It’s always there, whether it be Bad Wolf or just some reminder of her, some place where they once visited, most likely saved knowing them, and he remembers it with a smile and a tear, he still and forever will love his rose, his fantastic human with that cute tongue touched grin and golden hair.

Well that got decidedly sappy, I apologise to any of you who cringed at that (I know I have now that I’ve re-read it) god I think I have a cavity from all that sweetness.

Any way, on to the very interesting (sarcasm), stressful part of my life, and not the over emotionally crazy chick rant about love. Well I guess it sorta relates? I guess I’m the Martha to the Doctor and Rose couple that are my friends, totally had over heels in love those two and I’m off on the side lines being third wheel like always. I know they’re in love but I can’t help feeling attracted to, well in this case my friend’s “Doctor” (no not the check-up kind, the alien one from the t.v. show + the books) if that makes any sense? Okay in other words I’m attracted to my friend’s boyfriends and have been for a while? There’s no chance for me with him but at this point in time I wish there was. It’s still the whole only want what you can’t have thing, with a little bit of hope added to it? Whatever, the point is I’m flirting with him, not intentionally god I wouldn’t do that on purpose! But when I get home I sorta analyse our interactions and go yep I’m flirting, or this could be seen as flirting, this is really bad I need to stop. But I don’t because like I said before it’s a subconscious reaction, it’s how he and I interact, and it’s making me sick with guilt. Getting home after having a great day and then suddenly realising, shit, saying that or doing that would be flirty, did he notice, more importantly did she (his girlfriend, my friend) notice? Because I don’t want to ruin our (all three of us) friendship, those two are amazing friends and I don’t want my stupid emotions to jeopardise that. I don’t know if I should tell him or her, but I’d definitely tell him first, even if we were friends first, her reaction would be a whole lot worse than his. I know why I like him, all the reasons (you want what you can’t have, well there has to be some attraction in the first place to actually want them) the thing I’m wanting to know is how to stop.

So my question to those who read this is:

How do I stop flirting? + How does one get over someone?

Well that’s two questions but you get the point.

So I apologise for the feelings and rant about both Rose+Doctor and me and my messed up attraction and thanks for reading I guess? Well… More like thanks for putting up with the rant.

Flying high,

Miss Marvelous.

(Hey that sounds cool, I’m gonna keep that.)

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